


Labcoat and Beard

by twizzle



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Bad Bang, Deliberate Badfic, F/M, Inanimate Objects, Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-20 05:43:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3638928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twizzle/pseuds/twizzle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Crusher and Riker sucking each other's faces while the world goes to hell in a handbasket"</p><p>This is intentionally bad fic written for the Bad Bang Exchange.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Labcoat and Beard

**Author's Note:**

  * For [badficromance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/badficromance/gifts).
  * Inspired by [schluuurp [art]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3645915) by [dante_gabriel_renesmee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dante_gabriel_renesmee/pseuds/dante_gabriel_renesmee). 



> Inspired by AMAZING [art](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3645915), go look at that first before reading so you get the awesome in the right order!
> 
>  
> 
> **This is intentionally bad fic written for the Bad Bang Exchange. It's meant only to entertain**

Beverly swung from a hook on the holodeck happily while Riker pushed her like it was a big swing or something. She wishd she'd worn a swirly dress or something so she could flap it about with each swing but instead it was just her labcoat doing its best to be a cape rather than a skirt.

Then there was a big shake and the hook disappeared for a moment becasue the holodeck threw a strop when all the lights wibbled in the rest of the ship. She fell on Riker suddenly and his beard cushioned the fall when he caught her in a very manly fashion.

"Riker to the Bridge!" He said when she slapped his chest. No-one replied so they both left the holodeck to see what was happening and there werre loads of wicker baskets filling the ship like an invasion of tribbles - they were EVERYWHERE and multiplying and there were little planets in each one and it was like weird shaved tribbles being given to the enterprise by a demonic easter bunny.

They would have assumed it was Q doing something odd but if it was he would probably have turned up to go HELLO RIKER DO YOU REGRET NOT BEING A Q? And just generally be an annoyance and weirdly flirty and shippable but Picard wasn't there so Crusher and Riker instead decided to go to sickbay becasue reasons.

"I want to suck your face." Beverley said seductively as she swished her labcoat out the way and showed Riker her hoover.

He made a growl that was more Worf than anything but he couldn't help it, he'd always wanted her to suck his face and he wanted to suck hers and she had a very sleek hoover.

"only if I can suck yours too." He said, then realised he didn't have Henry with him - oh no! Henry must be on the bridge! "But I have to get Henry from the bridge!" He said.

Crusher was excited and started unwinging the cord of her hoover then realised with growing worry that she didn't know where the mains plug was in sickbay. She had spent years of her life in this room but had never needed a plug!

Luckily, just at the moment that Riker returned with Henry dragged along behind him, she realised her hoover was a super 24th Century hoover that didn't need a plug! Hooray!

....but no! Henry was an antique, a special relic from the 20th Century and he needed a plug!

But Riker was a man and men can do manly things especially with superbeards and so he unplugged one of the beds and found a plug in the floor!

"This is what comes of having an archaeology-obsessed Captain." He told Crusher, and she grinned and poked his face with her hoover's nozzle. "Mind the beard." He said.

"But it might make it feel better" she replied. "Like a massage for your beard, it might so it good. You have such dry skin sometimes your folicles could use a work out."

"I don't want you to examine me beverley, I want you to suck my face!"

The hoover and Henry turned on and they sucked each others faces and they both made happy noises of ooo and aaaah and BEVERley and oH WILL and it gets all smushy and a bit risque and Riker falls into one of the baskets and it's AMAZING.

And when the enterprise stops shaking they look a bit flushed and embarassed and there's hair everywhere but not on anything becasue hoovers clean. They stop when Henry gets a bit tired becasue he's old and can't suck as well as he used to so Riker doesn't want to disappoint Crusher.

But Henry had a good time and that's what matters!

**Author's Note:**

> Request: 
> 
> "These two are the entire reason I signed up for this exchange. Respect. Forget Picard and Troi and Wesley and the Borg and basically everything that makes Star Trek Star Trek: these two should totally have hooked up, am I right. (Just so we're on the same page: I'm right.)
> 
> This is the request OF MY HEART so you can stop reading here if you want. In fact, I recommend it. I heard that you have to sign up for a bunch of things but Crusher and Riker sucking each other's faces while the world goes to hell in a handbasket around them is the only thing I want to read."


End file.
